the land of black

This post has been sitting in my drafts folder since July.  It was good to write it down, but I wasn't convinced about sharing it with the "world." But given that I just spoke at church sharing this sort of stuff with everyone, I suppose that there may not be harm in doing this now...

Today hasn't been a great day.  Well neither have the past few days.  Not that this is something new for me.

I feel like everything around me screams that I'm a failure.  Dishes not done.  Bible not read.  Gift not bestowed.  Emails not written.  People not phoned.  A look.  A sigh.  The absence of a greeting.  Though these things might not be in words they speak to me.  They tell me not just that I've failed, but that I am a failure.


Some of it I've tried to counter.  Tried to challenge these negative thoughts as I've been taught to.  But they've still been winning.  So then I feel more like a failure cos I've failed even to challenge the thoughts successfully.


I did an activity the other week which uses the "6 thinking hats".  This has helped me to articulate that I'm always wearing a black hat when it comes to my view of myself.  The hat is so black that it even keeps out other "white" and "yellow" thoughts.  Negative thoughts only.