blissful rest

This may seem a very strange thing to be feeling at the end of semester with exams looming, but I'm feeling incredibly relaxed.

No, I'm not completely on top of everything yet...

But God has granted me this amazing peace.  I've not been stressed about exams.  I've not been flustered.  I've not had that icky feeling in my gut.  I've been totally calm.

I've even been so calm that I've been wandering around singing.  Even more amazing is that I've pulled out my guitar to play it (it has been months since I've done that!!).

Wow.  Thanks heavenly Dad!!

the mask

Do they see behind the mask?

So much darkness within
It rages to get out
I push it down but it rises again

What is true?
What is false?
What is sin?
What is accusation?
Give me light for the way

Anger welling up
Must keep it down.  Must keep it down
Tension building
Must keep it down.  Must keep it down
Must keep it inside
Must maintain the mask

The sad tense well in the guts
Make it go away.  Make it go away.
A bite of sweetness to ease the hole
Though I know it will make it worse
The disappointment
The shame
The hiding
Still it doesn't go away

Too hard to keep up the mask
So I retreat

One person saw through the mask though
He saw a crack in it
I let him in a little
And he didn't cause harm
Perhaps another day I lower the mask a little more

the dark days

In our chaplaincy group we have been talking about depression and anxiety.

At one point we read this Psalm.  Can you relate to this?

Psalm 88: A Cry of Desperation
A song. A psalm of the sons of Korah. For the choir director: according to Mahalath Leannoth. A Maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.

 1 LORD, God of my salvation,
I cry out before You day and night.
 2 May my prayer reach Your presence;
listen to my cry.
 3 For I have had enough troubles,
and my life is near Sheol.
 4 I am counted among those going down to the Pit.
I am like a man without strength,
 5 abandoned  among the dead.
I am like the slain lying in the grave,
whom You no longer remember,
and who are cut off from Your care.
 6 You have put me in the lowest part of the Pit,
in the darkest places, in the depths.
 7 Your wrath weighs heavily on me;
You have overwhelmed me with all Your waves.         

 8 You have distanced my friends from me;
You have made me repulsive to them.
I am shut in and cannot go out.
 9 My eyes are worn out from crying.
LORD, I cry out to You all day long;
I spread out my hands to You.
 10 Do You work wonders for the dead?
Do departed spirits rise up to praise You?       

11 Will Your faithful love be declared in the grave,
Your faithfulness in Abaddon?
 12 Will Your wonders be known in the darkness
or Your righteousness in the land of oblivion?
 13 But I call to You for help, LORD;
in the morning my prayer meets You.
 14 LORD, why do You reject me?
Why do You hide Your face from me?
 15 From my youth,
I have been afflicted and near death.
I suffer Your horrors; I am desperate.
 16 Your wrath sweeps over me;
Your terrors destroy me.
 17 They surround me like water all day long;
they close in on me from every side.
 18 You have distanced loved one and neighbour from me;
darkness is my only friend.


I've been in a place like that.  Have you?

Good to know that the Bible touches real life.

Thankfully today hasn't been a day that bad, but it certainly hasn't been a good day.

not just numbers, but people

As I mentioned earlier, last week was mission awareness week at College.  At chapel on Friday the guy leading the service was sharing about the vast numbers of people who have not heard of Jesus and people who don't have the Bible in their own language.  As he was sharing this, he began to cry.

It was very powerful.  I was reminded that these are not just numbers, but are real people.  Real people who need peace with God.

May God give both me and you hearts like that - hearts that weep for the lost.

May we be like Jesus, who said,
“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! See, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again, until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’ ” (Matt 23:37-39)

music and emotions

Last night I had a great time at the concert of the Sydney University Symphony Orchestra.

Being there made me ponder how much music impacts our emotions. 

When the music was fast-paced and intense it grabbed my attention and made me watch intently.  I was tense, waiting for action.

Some sections were robust, cheerful and rejoicing, making me feel as if there was cause for celebration. 

Other sections were soft and mellow, making me feel calm and reflective. 

It was amazing how much my feelings changed along with the mood of the music.  It was powerful!

These particular musical items were all from movies.  This is a particularly useful case in point.  The soundtrack to a movie is so vital to taking the audience on the journey.

What's a piece of music that really stirs your emotions?

ups and downs

It's so easy to go up and down in life, in a day, even in an hour.

Yesterday and today were quite like that for me.

Cruising.  Grieving.  Laughing.  Anxiety.  Joviality. 

I'm so thankful that God is faithful and constant, dependable and trustworthy.  That is not to say that He is unfeeling or uncaring, but rather that He is infinitely reliable.  Though my emotions go up and down, though my faith is not unflappable, He remains faithful.

And in His kindness He has also given us precious brothers and sisters in Christ to share these ups and downs as we journey in life, looking forward to Christ's return.